Movie Theatres Should’ve Been Closed Way Before the Pandemic

The magic of the movies. A regular Friday night for many families. The smell of popcorn floating through the air as you get in line to buy your ticket to the next big blockbuster.

After hearing the news that Austin’s own Cinemagic Theater was closing down, I was quite sad. What a tough loss for Austin, especially when the only interesting thing to do is go to a museum dedicated to SPAM. I hold many memories at the theater, whether it be as a guest or during my two year stint of being a faithful employee. All the days I spent talking with our afternoon regulars and selling candy to excited little kids are gone. Thanks COVID. Add that as the cherry on top of the “things that have been ruined by the pandemic.”

But after a while, I was struck with just one question…

How in the world did it stay open for as long as it did?

And I’m not talking about the financials. There’s no doubt that the $10 tickets and $20 popcorn and soda combo kept the doors open. Nor am I talking about the 10 employees being paid $8 an hour. I’m talking about the 20-year-old theater seats and musty atmosphere.

And maybe that’s part of the allure. A part of the excitement of a night at the movies, but as someone who has seen the theatre with the lights turned on to max brightness, I have a lot of dirt.

I was a part-time cashier, part-time janitor. Every shift, I went from selling the overpriced popcorn to sweeping up the hurricane of trash that seems to make its way through each theater. Yes, that is what I signed up for. Still – it’s not the best situation, but also not terrible.

Until a parent lets their 5-year-old eat a whole bag of Starbursts.

The novelty vomit-clumping powder is pulled out of the cleaning closet and the mix of bile and candy wrappers is cleaned up. The “CAUTION. WET FLOOR” sign is set up as customers find the best spot to sit for the next showing.

Then repeat that about three times a day.

Not to mention the kids who aren’t potty trained. No shocker, those seats have not been sanitized. If you see a liquid stain on your seat, chances are it was not a Pepsi spill. It seems that those dusty seats are a magnet for any and all bacteria. You’re welcome COVID.

That’s why the lights are always dimmed – even when a movie isn’t showing.

But the darkly light room sometimes leads to questionable post-movie antics. Too many times have I walked in on a couple getting frisky. As the janitor – we don’t have a protocol for that. Remember that next time you’re picking the “best seat in the house.”

Besides general uncleanliness, there’s also the fact that a quick search for what time a movie is playing usually ends in disappointment. Especially for a small theater like Austin’s. I can promise you, there will never be a movie starting at 5pm. That just doesn’t happen. That’s another point for COVID and streaming services around the world.

But that’s a whole other debate for another time.

The only plus side of the theater was the free movies. As a 16-year-old, that was a weekend plan lifesaver. But the pros will never outweigh the cons. The CDC would agree.

So thanks COVID. Add movie theatres as the cherry on top of the “things that have [thankfully] been ruined by the pandemic.”